Four Year Reflections

So many thoughts have been running through my head as this college/MN chapter of my life draws to a close. I thought I would post (one last?) blog entry in my "college blog."

Four years ago...
-My mom was just diagnosed with cancer and we were faced with so much uncertainty. Now she is back to work, full time, and is in great health. What a blessing, and what a journey that was! When I describe that journey to others, it still seems surreal. When people ask how I managed being so far away from home during all of that, I answer that I honestly don't know - you just do. I am occasionally jolted back to all of the emotions of that experience, like recently when I was treating a patient with cancer, or just Friday when I read about a M.M. diagnoses in a patient's chart. I suppose remembering or reliving those emotions from time to time just serves as a reminder of how fortunate we were/are!

-I moved half-way across the country, despite nearly everyone questioning my decision/sanity. I still have to justify my decision on a daily basis, but instead of being tainted by others' doubts, I can say I survived four years away from home and don't think Minnesota is all that bad!

-I had no idea of the challenges, joys, stress, friendships, hardships, and opportunities I would face during my time here in MN. I never would have anticipated planning an Autism camp, traveling to Florida (twice) for conferences, etc. I have certainly had my ups and downs (and I'm not just talking about unsuccessful attempts at gingerbread men), but all-in-all, I can say it's been a positive experience. I am certainly leaving MN a stronger person!

Not so long ago...
-I was terrified of the idea of completing my internship(s) and could not imagine myself functioning as an entry level practitioner. I distinctly remember sitting in our FW intro class last semester, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought of fieldwork. Now, I have a full caseload and am working 98% independently.bWhile it is still very challenging and I don't feel completely comfortable yet (ironically, i have a similarly-sick feeling today, anticipating my last week!), it feels great to have come this far and be doing what I was once (not so long ago!) so fearful of doing. My fieldwork site is very fast-paced, challenging, and not my ideal setting, so I am definitely counting down the days (5, FYI), but I can still appreciate the tremendous learning and growth I've experienced while there. I am grateful that my supervisor and I got along so well, and that I was able to work with a few patients that I know I will always remember!

In the future...
I have no idea. And for a planner like me, that's hard. Apparently it's hard for everyone else, as well, as they all want to know my plans. The next three months are devoted to completing my second fieldwork in Portland. One or two months after that will be devoted to studying for my boards (gulp), and hopefully passing those (insert nausea and hyperventilation). After that, everything is TBD. I still haven't determined my "niche" within the OT world, and have no idea where or what types of jobs will be available. I am in a both difficult and blessed situation -- I have a tremendous support network in two parts of the country, and it's gotten more and more difficult to distinguish which place is "home."

My dad and I will load the car (curious to see if four years of my life fit in my little Subaru) and drive across the country a week from tomorrow. I'll have 1800 miles to reflect on the past four-years! I'm not looking forward to the goodbyes I face in the next 7 days, but I suppose the uncertainty of my future might help what that, knowing that this is not necessarily the "end" of my time in MN. I will also have the reunion with friends and family (and notably, two adorable little nieces!) in WA to look forward to!

Death of a Gingerbread Man

Some of you know that I have a tendency to "forget" to try new recipes before volunteering to serve them to guests/others. Yesterday, I was making some highly-anticipated gingerbread man cakelets with my new Williams Sonoma pan for our OT class party in the barn/mansion (See Dec 14, 2008 entry). I had images of cute, decorated gingerbread with carefully-piped faces and clothing. I could almost hear the "Oohs" and "Aahs" from appreciative OT students.

I carefully prepared the W.S. Gingerbread recipe, even taking the time to level off my flour measurements. I sprayed my non-stick pan with PAM and measured out 3 tablespoons of batter and carefully spread it into each of the six molds.

I set the timer and diligently checked on my little babies, baking them to clean-toothpick-perfection.

I patiently waited five minutes before inverting them onto a metal cooling rack.

I inverted the pan.

The men stayed put.

I carefully cut around the edges of the mold to give the little guys a little encouragement.

The men stayed put.

I tap-tapped the bottom of the pan and encouraged them. "You can do it!"

The men stayed put.

A little less carefully, I used a spoon to pry the cowards out.

A few arms and portions of heads came out, but the men stayed put.

I accepted defeat.

It was cold outside. I did not want to go to the store. It is one week before Christmas break. I had limited groceries.

I salvaged the remaining batter and baked it in a 8 x 8 cake pan, hoping I would have something to bring to the party. With one last attempt at creativity, I put some in mini muffins cups, picturing little gingerbread cupcakes with icing artfully drizzled on top.

The cake turned out presentable, but the muffins did not.

I really didn't want to waste my gingerbread men corposes and failed mini muffins. I took inventory of my kitchen and decided on creating a trifle (ironic, huh? for those of you who lived through Dessert Disaster # 243, the Chocolate Trifle).

I used every lost crumb of brown sugar in the apartment to create a caramel sauce, crumbled my mishap batches of cake, hoped my leftover can of whipped cream (disgraceful, I know) would last long for two layers and went to work.

Of course I was missing a beautiful, glass trifle bowl and "real" whipped cream and the presentation wasn't particularly appealing, which is probably why not too many people were brave enough to try it last night. Can't say I blame them.

BUT. I have to say...

I quite enjoyed the trifle. I even ate too much of it during 4th meal (thanks for inventing that, Taco Bell), back at my apartment after the party.

I wonder if I've learned my lesson yet!

I like to get the most bang for my buck. I unashamedly clip coupons. I have no problem "ad-picking" and going to multiple stores to get the best deal on all my weekly staples. I love freebies.

So I suppose I should be happy that my AAA membership has more than paid for itself. But I think I'd rather get "ripped off" paying that $55/year and NOT using it....

In the past nine months, I've had the opportunity to use my membership three times. Dead car battery. Locking the keys in Heather's car (Okay, that one was kind of funny). Flat tire on the side of Hwy 35.

That was the highlight of my day today. I'll admit it, I should probably know how to change a flat tire. However, considering I was on my way home from church and wearing a dress and sling-backs, there's a good chance I would have called AAA anyway. I'm one of "those" girls.

I suppose I have grown, matured, and been humbled by each of these experiences. Today, for instance, my first SOS call was made to AAA rather than home (I did have to stop myself mid-dial)... while AAA can be pokey, changing a tire remotely from Vancouver, WA would be far less effective.

Although it was an unpleasant and scary experience (cars zooming by at 75+ miles/hr!), I have much to be grateful for:

*This morning I randomly decided to replenish my Kleenex supply in my purse. Consequently, I was able to wipe away the dripping mascara and pretend I was calm, cool, and collected before the AAA man came
*I live in an era of cell phones.
*It was DAYLIGHT (it could have happened as I was driving home on county roads at 11pm last night)
*I have a AAA membership (thanks, Mom and Dad!)
*I decided to pee before I left church
*I was not eaten/mauled/attacked by a bear.
*It was 80-some degrees rather than 40 below.
*I lived to tell about it.

Now I just realized I was charged $70 at Cold Stone instead of $35 (gift card purchases, I promise - I'm not THAT much of an emotional eater).

Other than that, life is just great in Duluth! ;-)

Pretend Parenting, Part II ... The Night Shift.

The parents' bedroom is beautiful and has one of those huge, king sized beds with an abundance of pillows and a down comforter -- the type that you see in a movie and just want to crawl into. I could have almost convinced myself that I was staying in a posh hotel until 2:22am.

When the door to your "master suite" creaks open at 2:22am, you know it's not good news. I got myself to roll over, open my eyes, and look towards the door (literally commanding myself "Must... open... eyes...") and I got to handle my first bed wetting. Fortunately, the king size bed was roomy enough that he could crawl into bed with me and let me wait to change the bed in the morning. This was after I pulled him out of bed at 11pm, leading his zombie-like self to the bathroom, balancing him in front of the toilet, and instructing him to pee (he didn't bother to aim).

Today I'm feeling frustrated because, regardless of how many special activities we do, the kids still fight incessantly, have attitudes, and "are bored." I know that's a familiar line for all parents. They've been pestering to do the Easter egg hunt all day (although their eggs are quickly diminishing, as they lose eggs for misbehaving), so now that I've taken my 15 minute sanity break, I guess we'll go have an Easter egg hunt.

Pretend Parenting, Part I

Well, I am doing a long, overnight babysitting job (Wed-Sat), so I thought I might actually have some blog worthy happenings in my life. It seems as though to have a successful blog you must either be a parent or traveling abroad in some exotic country. (Although I did have a fabulous trip to Seattle, which included a chocolate factory tour -- complete with hair nets --, miles of walking, and great conversation. Yay for short get-aways!).

I am watching three kids, ages 21 months - 5 years. To put things in perspective, my brave "adventure" today was piling the three kids into the minivan and going to QFC. Those kids carts with the car in the front look fun but man are they hard to steer! I felt my obliques really working as I tried to avoid crashing into any food displays (I'll count that as my workout for the day, thanks). The kids did fairly well, although I did have to repeatedly threaten to take away their special treat, which their parents left for an evening snack, along with a sweet note. I would have felt too heartless withholding this, so I gave in to empty threats.

The 5 year old was on the right track when he cleaned out his soccer cleats by banging the soles together. He erred when he did it in the middle of the carpet, sending grass chunks EVERYWHERE (man, those things can hold a lot of grass!).

For dinner, I introduced the kids to Sloppy Joes, which they seemed to enjoy. The 3 1/2 year old is on a modified Atkins diet, which, from what I can tell, consists of hot dogs, pretzels, Otter pops, and fruit. He did surprise me by eating 1/2 of his sloppy joes (sans bun, of course) before deciding he didn't like them afterall.

I hope I can keep them busy for the next 2 1/2 days. I have an even greater appreciation for stay at home moms, especially during the summer months. I have a few things up my sleeve, such as an egg hunt (which I'm hoping we can recreate dozens of times), playing with balloons (which seem to be the timeless, tireless toy), making cookies, and meeting my mom and sister for lunch for moral support. And trips to the park, of course.

So here's to all those brilliant moms who tackle this stuff day in and day out without the incentive of being able to sit on the couch for 48 hours eating ice cream after their "shift" ends.

Why didn't anyone tell me I was an "OccuAptional Therapy" major in my profile?! Sheesh -- better do more proof-reading.

This and that, but mostly that

I suppose if I'm updating, I have to at least mention camp. It's going really, really well. My ten kiddos are fairly high functioning and have endless energy, but they're a lot of fun. They keep us volunteers laughing, that's for sure! I have an amazing group of volunteers and I am looking forward to next week! I am MUCH more at ease this weekend than last. I'll share more stories later. I will share one quote of the day, though:

On a hike behind St. Scholastica, which took us through the cemetery and by a statue of Jesus (we are a Catholic school!):

Camper, who had run ahead, SCREAMED for all to hear: "I SEE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

What I was more interested in telling you all about is my new summer obsession: frozen bananas.

Last week I ended up with an abundance of perfectly-ripe bananas, so I skewered and froze four of them. Inspired by a Food Network excerpt on a cafe that sells all kinds of chocolate covered bananas, I rolled/spooned/spread melted dark chocolate on two of them and left two of them plain (Unfortunately, I didn't have a foot-deep bucket of melted chocolate to dip my bananas in).

They are delicious! I am proud to say that the Choc Bananas have been a satisfying replacement for ice cream the last couple of nights (the frozen banana tastes remarkably like ice cream, actually!). And this morning I enjoyed a plain frozen banana as a snack, which was perfect since I was short on fruit. I think I'm going to start doing this more - it's a great way to have fruit on hand and quite tastey! I want to try mashing a banana and freezing it and see if you could eat with a spoon.

One tip from the show is cutting off the stem of the banana and then skewering it before you peel it/freeze it, which prevents the banana from splitting.

Yum, yum!